Kismet.

It's no secret I LOVE Jill Scott. Like, LOOOOVE her. She's a renaissance woman (singing, writing, acting), she's classy, she expresses herself beyond measure, she's beautiful, and she's a ridiculously amazing singer that backs it up with training and serious chops. Yep, she's my musical idol.

I love Jill Scott so much that, after much delay, I finally went to check out Philly for The Roots Picnic and fell in love with Philly too. It was really a shame that I hadn't been since it's so close to NYC, but, if it's not clear, I'm a bit of a workaholic and just never took the time for even day trips for myself. Well, those days are long gone. I've gone to DC, home (for something OTHER than Christmas with the family), and to Philly. I've been TWICE now, since that's where I spent my fourth of July. Anyway, I fell in love with it. When I settle down (IF I settle down...), I think I might like it to be in Philly. It's still urban, it's close enough to the city, it has a great music scene (Jill Scott, The Roots, etc.), it's got a multicultural population which is always a plus, reliable public transit, it's inexpensive (compared to NYC), and it's just plain pretty.

But anyway, back to Jill Scott. Like her, I've had vocal training. Like her, I write (I haven't written in a while, but I'm a relatively accomplished screenwriter). Like her, I keep my hair natural. Like her, I'm drawn to the jazzier, soulful side of music. My frequent drummer, Rashad King, even knew (knows?) her once background vocalist, Vivian Green. And now I've entered in the Budweiser Opening Acts competition, to be her opening act.

So is it kismet? Will I soon and very soon get to work with my musical idol, if only to get fans (and myself) ready to see her? Golly jeepers, I hope so! :)

Back on the horse...

I've reopened my OKCupid account. I'm not sure why. I still cancel dates with the quickness. 

Also, I've recently cut off all my previous hookups. 

The personal trainer was a real dick. I hate to be so blunt, but it's accurate. So I'm done with him. He may not know it. And unlike previous times, I feel no need to announce it. I'm sure he'll get the gist when I stop answering his calls and texts. It's a shame because he supposedly had an industry contact, but hey, if you play games, you can play them with someone else. I'm being vicious about only hanging with people who treat me the way I want to be treated and bring something to the table.

The sax player is also out. He called to "hang out" and I told him I'm not doing that anymore. That I'm looking for something substantial. He said that was "cute", then had to go abruptly but said he'd call back. Of course he never did. I didn't expect him too. I teased him about this and he joked that he would, but he didn't. He also said he'd definitely see me before he left on tour, but he leaves tomorrow and I'm busy tonight and he never attempted to set anything up, so we're done. Stupid me was getting vibes from him at one point that he wanted more. Well, either he wanted more and scared himself out of it when I actually flat out said it, or he never wanted to and I was on crack the whole time. Either way, we're done. Again, I didn't announce it. And although I usually wish him luck on his tours the day he leaves, I wished him luck on Friday or Saturday and he leaves tomorrow. He said I was sweet and that's the last we've spoken. Again, he has professional tools that I'm hoping will be useful to me, but I'm done with that.

Mr. Trini is back. After being flat out disrespectful to me weeks ago, he's allowed back in. He knows the new rules. He knows it's chill. He knows I won't tolerate disrespect. And if he does it again, I'll cut him off again. The end.

There was a Q from CT that I met at a friend's party. We made out a bit. I was hoping it'd go somewhere until he (ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE MEN IN THE TRI-STATE AREA) said he wasn't looking for a relationship. So I said lets be friends. But he couldn't be. You can't be friends with men. They don't want to waste their time on you if they're not messing with you. It used to be you could, before there was sex. But now you can't.

So yeah, I'm not so much enjoying this new state of things, but I'm not bullshitting anymore either. You want to hook up? Find another chick. You want to flake out? Find another chick. You want to use and abuse me? Find another chick. If you'd like to respect me and get to know me, I'm available. And I'm open to relationships. Otherwise, I'm not open to you.

The end.

Summer Season!

So, it's summer. I LOVE summer. While everyone's dreading the heat, I revel in it. I'm a Texan, after all. I like to think my love for summer is why this will be my FOURTH summer in NYC without A/C, but I actually think it's time to put a stop to all that, LOL. This year will be the year for A/C! I said that after the scorcher last summer and I meant to buy it in Winter when it'd be cheap, but I was finishing "An Old Soul" and got caught up. Before I know it, it's JUNE and I'm breaking out the fans yet again, almost dying trying to do Tae Bo in my apartment. Long story short: I need A/C. It's on my urgent to-do list.

The album is out. I'm gigging. I'm doing big things. I'm making connections. I'm meeting people. If you want to know more, you really should just check out KatWebbMusic.com and read the many updates from yours truly. That's actually the reason for this delayed post. I feel like I'm talking about my "status" and my "likes" and how I feel every other profile page, and this one, which is supposed to be more in-depth, fell by the wayside. But really, awesome things are happening. Kat Webb, "An Old Soul", buy it. :) Please and thank you!

ON THE DATING FRONT:
I've gotten rid of my regulars. For real this time! I had been struggling for a while with what to do about them, since I know I no longer wanted to continue with casual sex but their desires in that area kept coming before my own desires to look for something more substantial. Anyway, I've learned this new way of handling problems, which is just to WAIT A WHILE. If the solution doesn't seem readily available, take a moment to breathe. Give it a week. Give it a month. If it's not endangering your life, just put it on the back burner. Then--surprise, surprise!--life takes care of it. I just had to learn what was urgent and what could wait. And then I waited and these stagnant, old people that needed to be flushed out of my life before I could meet someone new just faded away on their own. Schedules didn't line up, I went on vacation, everyone got too busy, and suddenly I was alone on Friday night.

Honestly, the alone part does suck. Who wants to be alone? Thats why the regulars were so appealing--because I had a guaranteed "date" any night I felt like it. They were all just a call or a text away. But it wasn't fulfilling. I felt empty. I was just marking time. And it got to the point where I couldn't even mark time with them while dating and trying to find "the one". I just had to stop everything completely. And I stopped worrying about it and it just happened, without the difficult convo or the tears. Everything just fell into place, or OUT of place, as it were.

And I'm alone. Yep. Alone alone alone. I feel like Jerry in "Jerry Maguire". That's how alone I am. Unlike Jerry, I'm going to work through it. I'm busy, I'm pretty, I'm pretty happy, and hopefully this dating situation will fall into place. Forcing it hasn't worked. Lets see what happens when I just stop giving a shit and keep doing what makes me happy (music). :)

Ten Steps Forward, Two Steps Back...

First, lets start with the BACK:

1.) My last few attempts to meet a guy for a serious romantic connection rather than a casual connection ended bitterly. And I was more than a bit bummed about it. It's why I didn't want to post for a while, actually, because I didn't want to bear the bad news.

2.) These attempts at a more serious relationship were so upsetting, mainly because they were with the type of guys I'm "SUPPOSED" to end up with. They were slightly older than I am, African-American, Ivy-League-educated, made comparable money, were comparably attractive, etc. And they were both very good kissers. Let them tell the story and I'm sure I'm the reason things didn't work out. But I'm almost positive things didn't work out because I refuse to play the passive-aggressive dating games NYC is famous for, and refuse to accept that they're somehow more of a commodity than I am, and therefore I should walk on eggshells for their love and approval. F THAT!

3.) I got so fed up with the dudes I was meeting and dealing with that I gave up internet dating (for all of TWO WEEKS, given that I'm already back on OKCupid), swore I'd never love again and that love was worthless, said I'd never deal with NYC dudes again and look outside NYC EXCLUSIVELY, etc. etc. I was angry and I was hurt and I was exhausted.

4.) AND, I was depressed. Unfortunately, depression runs in my family. I just take a bit more to get going and stay happy than most people. You wouldn't know it, because I'm all about keeping up appearances and I feel like singing and cooking and eating and hanging with friends are all coping mechanisms to ensure my happiness (and much more appealing than alternatives), but when I spend too much time in my head and alone and single and being a work-a-holic, things get to me and I get into a funk I can't shake.

NOW, for the FORWARD:

1.) The aforementioned funk ended recently. It was a bit more persistent than recent funks, but it finally is gone, so that's awesome.

2.) As I mentioned, I'm already back on OKC, and though I don't know how much faith I have in relationships, I am putting myself out there. And no, I didn't change my mind about NYC men. I still have ZERO interest in them, but will go out with them if they're attractive, fully aware it will go NOWHERE because I'm a nice person and they are SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED BUTT MONKEYS. LOL.

3.) I go back and forth between embracing my newfound romantic bitterness. It's a good thing sometimes, because you can't be too sensitive in this world and bitterness towards men helps protect you against them slightly. I understand I'll need to work on it, but in the meantime, I'm fine with my newfound toughness.

4.) Things are going WONDERFULLY in my music career.

• My publicist made a kick-ass bio and press release with pictures, and put a lot of great thought into a publicity strategy.
• I've got a steady stream of two gigs per munch through July.
• With the help of a Facebook ad, I've doubled my fans in a week.
• I'm meeting more an more musicians, and seeing who I'd like to work with more regularly.
• My gigs are going well and I'm getting tons of invaluable performance experience. Honestly, thinking on your feet can't be practiced.

So yes, all in all, I'd say things are going well. Seeing as it's just my personal life (and just the romantic portion, at that) that's experiencing a terrible slump (will it EVER end?!), I'd say things are going AWESOMELY.

Visit my Facebook fanpage (www.facebook.com/KatWebb1984) to check out my music, upcoming shows, and hopefully become a fan. And thanks for reading! :)