Ten Steps Forward, Two Steps Back...

First, lets start with the BACK:

1.) My last few attempts to meet a guy for a serious romantic connection rather than a casual connection ended bitterly. And I was more than a bit bummed about it. It's why I didn't want to post for a while, actually, because I didn't want to bear the bad news.

2.) These attempts at a more serious relationship were so upsetting, mainly because they were with the type of guys I'm "SUPPOSED" to end up with. They were slightly older than I am, African-American, Ivy-League-educated, made comparable money, were comparably attractive, etc. And they were both very good kissers. Let them tell the story and I'm sure I'm the reason things didn't work out. But I'm almost positive things didn't work out because I refuse to play the passive-aggressive dating games NYC is famous for, and refuse to accept that they're somehow more of a commodity than I am, and therefore I should walk on eggshells for their love and approval. F THAT!

3.) I got so fed up with the dudes I was meeting and dealing with that I gave up internet dating (for all of TWO WEEKS, given that I'm already back on OKCupid), swore I'd never love again and that love was worthless, said I'd never deal with NYC dudes again and look outside NYC EXCLUSIVELY, etc. etc. I was angry and I was hurt and I was exhausted.

4.) AND, I was depressed. Unfortunately, depression runs in my family. I just take a bit more to get going and stay happy than most people. You wouldn't know it, because I'm all about keeping up appearances and I feel like singing and cooking and eating and hanging with friends are all coping mechanisms to ensure my happiness (and much more appealing than alternatives), but when I spend too much time in my head and alone and single and being a work-a-holic, things get to me and I get into a funk I can't shake.

NOW, for the FORWARD:

1.) The aforementioned funk ended recently. It was a bit more persistent than recent funks, but it finally is gone, so that's awesome.

2.) As I mentioned, I'm already back on OKC, and though I don't know how much faith I have in relationships, I am putting myself out there. And no, I didn't change my mind about NYC men. I still have ZERO interest in them, but will go out with them if they're attractive, fully aware it will go NOWHERE because I'm a nice person and they are SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED BUTT MONKEYS. LOL.

3.) I go back and forth between embracing my newfound romantic bitterness. It's a good thing sometimes, because you can't be too sensitive in this world and bitterness towards men helps protect you against them slightly. I understand I'll need to work on it, but in the meantime, I'm fine with my newfound toughness.

4.) Things are going WONDERFULLY in my music career.

• My publicist made a kick-ass bio and press release with pictures, and put a lot of great thought into a publicity strategy.
• I've got a steady stream of two gigs per munch through July.
• With the help of a Facebook ad, I've doubled my fans in a week.
• I'm meeting more an more musicians, and seeing who I'd like to work with more regularly.
• My gigs are going well and I'm getting tons of invaluable performance experience. Honestly, thinking on your feet can't be practiced.

So yes, all in all, I'd say things are going well. Seeing as it's just my personal life (and just the romantic portion, at that) that's experiencing a terrible slump (will it EVER end?!), I'd say things are going AWESOMELY.

Visit my Facebook fanpage (www.facebook.com/KatWebb1984) to check out my music, upcoming shows, and hopefully become a fan. And thanks for reading! :)

Eggs in a Basket

So, I am once again guilty of putting my eggs in a dude's basket too early. I met a guy, he seems nice, we get along great, he's a good kisser, he says he's on my page, he looks like Mr. Perfect on paper, yada yada yada.

Sounds great, right?

Not great. Because as soon as I start putting him in these terms, I'm fitting him for his wedding tux, at least subconsciously. I'm deciding whether this one is THE ONE, and I am repeatedly given a slap in the face by reality for my efforts.

You might wonder, "How can this be? Isn't it normal to wonder whether a guy you like could have staying power in your life?"

The answer is yes, it's normal. But don't go overboard. Don't stop meeting up with your "friends with benefits" thinking this guy is moments away from possibly considering that maybe he might one day casually describe you as his girlfriend. Sure, I'd love to meet a guy that knew more than just my anatomy, and that actually cared about me, but don't you feel like a schmuck when you cancel on your "friends with benefits" only to find out that the new guy in your life that you're hoping will want to give you a title is going to "try" to come to your first solo gig?

Yes. You do.

Try? TRY?! How 'bout don't bother? As much as I want every gig I do to be filled with bodies, I don't want it to be because I had to BEG or CONVINCE anyone to come. I want it to be because they're a genuine fan, they're curious, they enjoy jazz, or any number of other legitimate reasons. Not because I badgered them and they caved.

So the moral of that story is, don't put all your eggs in one basket until you're sure, and even if you feel sure after a few weeks, really, you SHOULDN'T feel sure until a few MONTHS has passed. Because that gives you enough time to realize whether or not you've gotten the completely wrong idea from him.

ON ANOTHER NOTE....

My first solo gig is tonight! YEA!!!!!! I'm not so much nervous about my own performance as I am nervous about it all coming together. These are new musicians, people I don't know that don't know me. They are amazing and I'm sure they'll do a great job, but given the breakneck pace of putting this gig together, this is a bit of an exercise of faith. But I'm going to have faith, and it's going to be GREAT!

Details:
Kat Webb@The National Underground
159 East Houston Street
Doors open @8:30pm, Show@9pm
Tickets are $11 at the door
30-40min set of jazz and old school R&B

Be there or be square.

Kat.

P.S. Meow.

Gigmaven

Revamp!

Hi All,

New things are happening!

1.) I waiver between three and five pounds of my goal weight! It's so awesome to have finally achieved that! I know it's not the end of the journey by any means, and pretty much plan to be a Weight Watchers Lifetime member to maintain my healthy weight and lifestyle. It's so easy to backslide into bad habits.

2.) I've finished my debut album, "An Old Soul"!!! I paid for the royalties of the hard copies that will arrive in a few weeks, have a fantastic CD design, have a gig this Friday, 4/8 in NYC (my first as a solo artist; details at my Facebook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kat-Webb/115704781820865), digital distribution could begin in as little as a week, and I'll be signing with a producer for an eight-week campaign (to start) in a couple weeks! How can I NOT be excited.

3.) I plan to revamp this site a bit. With the weight loss goal conquered, I plan to devote it a lot more to my budding music career. That isn't to say that I won't include some personal musings from time to time, but hopefully they'll be related to my music and my career, much more that just using this blog as a public diary (that no one reads, LOL).

And on that note, some personal musings!:

No real improvement on the guy front.

Well, that's not entirely true. I've been on a few awesome dates and some of my regular "friends" have settled into a nice routine with me. Even "Mr. Trini" is back. No apology from him, but hey, that's who he is. Now that I no longer have feelings for him, I don't need one.

There IS a dude who has some promise. He's really nice, an Ivy-Leaguer like me, and incredibly fashionable. We seem to click. I don't want to rush things, and I don't want to get too excited if nothing comes of it, but I'm excited as I CAN be at such an early stage. I take his appearance as a sign that, if they aren't already, things in my romantic life could be looking up very soon. I REALLY appreciate that, as I was beginning to worry I was either going to get fame or love but not both. To be honest, I was starting to think fame would have to be enough. That's a TERRIBLE thing for an artist to have to come to terms with, LOL.

Anyway, as usual, I'll keep readers posted on that front too. Again, in less detail, but I'll let you know if there are any big things happening. :)