I'm amazed at what a difference a year makes. A year ago today, I was still grappling with the idea that my little "demo" was going to be a full-fledged album. I was deciding which songs to record in my next big weekend session. I was seeing free shows at The Blue Note with amazing musicians. I was thinking about what my image might be, what my message should be, what my success could be.
In some ways, I was thinking too small. I thought, "I know all these musicians, I have access to this amazing studio, I have experience singing background. It's time to make a demo so venues can book me." It wasn't until Chris Rob ("An Old Soul"'s producer) and all the other musicians told me that what I was doing felt bigger, felt more important than a demo, that I even considered it. "An Old Soul" wasn't planned. It wasn't even something I thought I wanted yet. I wanted to perform first, cultivate a following, hone my style, get comfortable.
But no, there was NO TIME TO GET COMFORTABLE. After TWO YEARS of not singing at all (even background singing, because my ex-boyfriend discouraged it), I came back and was immediately recording an ALBUM. It felt like a runaway train. It felt like I'd lost control. Slowly, I began to think of singing not so much as me UNLEASHING something from within me, and more as me RELEASING the constant control I had over myself to let the music come out as it should.
Before I knew it, I was recording, I was mixing, I was working with graphic designers, I was getting mechanical licenses, I was pressing CDs, I was seeking publicists, and I was booking gigs. Myself a year ago would NEVER have believed I would take a last minute gig performing at the Fourth Arts Block Festival, OUTDOORS, for anyone to see, with nothing behind me but instrumentals. She would never have believed I'd be able to handle going from thinking I was doing a 15min set, to doing a 30min set on the fly. Kat last year would be SO intimidated by Kat THIS year, and I'm so amazed by that.
In other ways, I was thinking too big. My producer encouraged me to come up with attainable goals of where my music might take me. I THOUGHT I was thinking small in thinking that, by a year later, I'd be living solely off my music, I'd have a serious following, and I'd be thinking of touring, even overseas.
Unfortunately, I am NOT able to live off my music yet. At the moment, I have to think of my music as any other small business owner thinks of their new startup, and understand this a time for spending money, and not yet making money. I even keep in-depth records so I can take my proper tax deductions for my new endeavor. It is, unfortunately, still very expensive for me to perform. Thankfully, because of my day job, I can still do it. Also, because of my day job, I can make another album. Of course, I'll also need support from friends, family and fans via my upcoming Kickstarter campaign.
I also was thinking this cover album would get me more notoriety than it has. Don't get me wrong, it blows my mind to be doing phone interviews with Houston-based radio stations, and being put into soul mixes by UK DJs. Even my recent gig at Church in Boston was inspiring to me, that my reach was expanding. But I thought I'd be travelling to Philly and LA, home to TX and even abroad--all these lovely places where jazz and soul are sought after. But it is just a debut album. Just an introduction. Just a "look what I can do!" event. I still haven't paid the dues necessary to be selling out venues in Paris or even here in NYC. Hence the upcoming sophomore album, with original music.
And after the year I had, I'm both nervous and excited about the year ahead. It is NOTHING but uncertainty. Will I be living off my music alone after NEXT year? Will I be selling out venues then? Will my shows become profitable? Will strangers come up to me and thank me for the difference my music has made to them? With the changes in the music industry, can a person in my position still rise up?
These are the things I think about. And perhaps the biggest change is that, despite the uncertainty, I'm not scared. I'm EAGER.
