So, last night I had a great date. My date was a musician I'd played with at a few gigs previously who was older, seemingly stable, successful, and had a car (which in NYC is a huge bonus). All those things taken into account, I was understandably excited when he asked me out on a date. I'd known he was somewhat interested in me from the first time we played together, but never acted on it because I was nervous and also because his vibes weren't overt enough for a person as shy as myself to act upon.
Anyway, he asked me out on a Monday or Tuesday for that Thursday and I was psyched. I was psyched, that is, until it was Wednesday after midnight and our plans still hadn't been firmed up. I thought about letting the whole thing drop, because if he wasn't excited enough to solidify his plans with me, then maybe he wasn't excited enough to go out with me period. But then I thought, hey, why not give him one pass and just ask if we're still on for tomorrow night? That doesn't qualify as chasing him and it's completely legitimate the day before we were supposed to have a date. He gets back to me after a short wait saying he's still down and he'll catch me after his gig. Still no real plans have been made, but we're confirmed to hang out, so I figure I might as well.
But, since the enthusiasm doesn't seem to be mutual for our date, I, of course, require a pep talk from my mom.
Me: "All the books say you're not supposed to remind a guy to think about you. If he doesn't do it on his own, he's just not that into you. Yeah, he could be really busy, but I don't feel like rationalizing his actions before I even go out with him."
Mom: "You're right and you shouldn't. But how about you think of it as just a get together with a friend. Come with low expectations, come with the intent of having a good time, and leave it at that rather than trying to analyze this from a romantic standpoint from the start."
She was right, of course, so after taking an hour to put together an outfit that was sexy but also didn't look like I was trying too hard (and deciding to skip the makeup), we met up to see a movie we'd agreed upon.
The movie was great. And the conversation was great. He leaned a little closer than necessary to talk to me, he played with my bangles, and he touched me "casually" several times as well, letting me know that, if I had any doubt before, this WAS a date and he WAS interested. Because he's a successful musician and a little bit of a sensation, we actually ran into friends of his before and after the movie, with whom we had funny conversations. And even though it was a Thursday night and It was already almost 2am, I said yes to coffee in Times Square. Well, technically, it was tea. But people don't say "going out for tea" yet.
We grab a seat in the many tables in the middle of Times Square and talk about everything and nothing. The conversation is great, it's a nice night out, and despite it being 3am, it was still relatively lively. By 3:45am, he asks what's the next stop, to which I reply I should probably get home.
Him: "What? You didn't tell me you had a full day of work tomorrow. I wouldn't've kept you out so late."
Me: "Believe me, if it was a problem, I would have said something. But I've been hanging out really late lately and tomorrow's Friday so I'm down. I should probably head home now though."
We joked about how "cool" I clearly was if I was so laid back about agreeing to have less than four hours of sleep and walked back to the car. On the way home, we talked and jokes and, again, the conversation was great. The vibe was definitely there. We got along like close friends and joked about how I'd been "too busy" to return his calls in the past (i.e. I was in a relationship with a jealous guy), almost all the way home.
But to get to my place, we had to pass his place, and since he'd already mentioned he'd like me to see it someday and since it was too late to matter if I lost a little more time getting the grand tour, and since we'd already realized it was like ten minutes from me, we stopped at his place.
This dude is living the life--a chic setup, music and art everywhere, no tv (very hip) and plenty of square footage. We listened to music and talked some more and I really felt like an adult. And finally, FINALLY, he got up the nerve to kiss me, etc.
After all that talking and listening to music, etc., it was already time for me to wake up for work! It had been a great night with great, unexpected chemistry and we'd talked about how he'd liked me from the beginning and how I'd inadvertently been polite but abrupt with me when he gave me a ride home that first time. It was a perfect night and he was a perfect gentleman and after a kiss goodbye and a "hit me up later today", I went in and got ready for my work day.
And then something strange happened.
I did hit him up (despite the fact that I really wanted HIM to hit ME up and be "the pursued" in the equation), and he hit me back. But ever since I mentioned having a great time and let me know when we could do it again, it was radio silence. Nothing. My mind went a little crazy and started coming up with scenarios and theories, rationalizations and excuses (the way all women are bound to do), but then I finally settled on "Everybody plays the fool", and maybe I'd just misread the situation.
Or did I? "Playing a fool" would imply that I specifically made a bad decision, perhaps even knowing it wasn't the best idea. But "Wedding Crashers" has one of my favorite lines: "We make the best decisions we can, based on the information at hand", and I believe that applies here. So maybe he did do the guy thing and act weird after a great night. Or maybe one of my many possible excuses was legit. Either way it's out of my hands and should be out of my head and this weekend looks to be a real scorcher. Maybe everybody DOES play the fool, but you should never be ashamed to play the fool. Live your life, and make the best decisions you can.
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