In the Meantime...

Not only do I write in several blogs, I read quite a few. My current favorite is VerySmartBrothas.com, which recently posted an article regarding the many exceptions women make to their relationships standards (http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-exceptions/). That article, plus numerous conversations with friends and family (including an especially poignant one with my parents following the dissolution of a "casual" relationship), made this post inevitable.

Surely, women should hold onto their many romantic ideals and set standards that will facilitate them ending up with the men they'd really enjoy spending a lifetime with. It's also true that, if we're honest, most women can spot (and DO) a guy that won't work a mile away. We see the yellow, orange and red flags, notice all the "mixed signals" (by the way, I was informed by my father that there's no such thing as "mixed signals" because if a man really wants you, he's very clear), have read He's Just Not That Into You cover to cover and STILL, we make exceptions to all the rules we KNOW we should stick to, for the sake of being in a relationship.

And do you know why? Because all these articles and books and conversations focus on the problem: recognizing an about-nothing man and promptly extricating him from you life. What they DON'T tell you how to do is handle all that alone time you're bound to spend if you insist on keeping your standards intact. A commentator on the aforementioned VSB article said it best: "Alone is lonely." Ok, so we know who the WRONG guy is, and, thanks to countless magazines, romance novels and romantic comedies, we know what Mr. Right should look like. We know that when a guy is interested, he'll come on strong, he won't mince words, all signals will be go and the relationship will progress naturally with no training, no hints dropped about rings, and no ultimatums about whether we'll move in together necessary.

So, we have the tools for relationship success. But what if, say, YEARS pass, and no man actually approaches us that could even be called Mr. Maybe? What if perhaps you end up twenty-five years old, and realize ALL your relationships were fatally flawed, and that you've NEVER been properly courted and start feeling like no man even knows what COURTING is? Sure, you're staying strong and holding out and meanwhile your friends are having children, getting married, or at least in relationships. And you? You've gotten really good at knitting and have learned eight languages in all your spare time.

Look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with alone time. We all need it and should NEVER give it up, even in a relationship. And sure, having time to learn languages, getting promoted at work, getting so good at your hobbies you can actually make MONEY off of them and going out with your friends are ALL great uses of your time. In no way should not having a relationship and/or kids make you feel like a failure. But if you DO want a relationship, and a long time is passing before a normal, decent guy is approaching you in a respectful manner to even begin dating, which might lead to a relationship, which MIGHT lead to marriage, which MAY or MAY NOT work, then what do you do IN THE MEANTIME, to keep from going slowly crazy?

This is not a rhetorical question. I really do welcome suggestions, and I'm sure a lot of other women do too...