Wait & See

Patience is a virtue I certainly don't possess. I wish I could say I was in transition from my impulsiveness to a new found patience, but, in all honesty, I don't feel any closer to achieving patience than when my friends used to have to pry my hands off the telephone so I wouldn't prank call my crushes, just to hear their voice. In fact, with it being so easy to communicate with people we desire, it's hard to know whether it really "counts" to say I've contacted a guy I like if I merely requested him as a friend on facebook or became a follower of his twitter thread. Ok, so I know these don't send the aloof and alluring vibe most women are hoping to achieve when dealing with a potential suitor, but dang, how am I supposed to virtually stalk my crushes if I don't have access to all their media portals? LOL.

I'm currently in the "wait and see" stage with several men to whom I've communicated my interest. First, the musician. If I'm honest, I'm really interested in this guy. He seems smart, he can play like nobody's business, he can write songs, and he can SING (MAJOR weakness for me). And, of course, he's attractive. I only tried to date one man I wasn't attracted to (I thought maybe it'd work because we were both Ivy Leaguers and that's what my parents are) and the sparks were so non-existent they couldn't have lit a barn full of gas-soaked kindle. It was just grueling and each date was like pulling teeth to even have a decent time. Anyway, the musician seems like he has potential, and it seems like we're both vibing each other, as he's been nothing but flirty with me since the moment we met.

Succumbing to a particularly strong impulse, I texted said musician, supposedly to see if he made it to some posh party in Hollywood, but actually to open the doors to some electronic communication. After all, he did get my number (and I got his) the first time we met, and we shouldn't have to wait until church (he plays in one of my church's bands) to speak. TWO DAYS LATER, he responds with an "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. I was really busy. Blah blah blah." As I've mentioned, patience is not my strength, so being kept waiting is definitely a pet peeve of mine. As my passive-aggressive revenge, and to get back into an advantageous position in this ridiculous dating game we all play, I then waited FOUR DAYS to respond. I know, it's childish, and perhaps a step back in my quest for adulthood. But, on the other hand, isn't it a mature choice to actually play the game instead of constantly rebelling against a system that shows no signs of going anywhere any time soon? Therefore, that was actually quite mature of me. Yeah...sure.

Anyway, my text wasn't nearly as flirty as it would have been had he responded in a timely fashion and I merely asked about his next gig. MINUTES LATER (good, he's learning), he tells me he has a show THAT NIGHT. So how do I respond? Go to the show and it might look like I'm a little too hot to trot, immediately going to see him. Don't go to the show and I wouldn't see him for weeks, as he was about to leave the country for tour. Ultimately I decided to go, but I brought a guy friend and I looked FIERCE. Hey, it was a work holiday and I didn't have anything else to do so why not go and be casual about it?

The show was amazing. I mean, AMAZING. I had no idea. And I was falling in love with him with every new song he played. Not literally, of course, but a strong infatuation was definitely building, as I'm a HUGE sucker for music in general and musicians specifically.

Here's my hesitation with this dude.

1.) I wasn't the only female in the audience who began ovulating when he simultaneously played a complicated solo and sang. Do I really want to compete with the female hordes? Does this mean he's a ladies man? Will I end up just another butterfly trapped in his web, defenseless against his charms?

2.) After the concert, he did take a significant amount of time to talk to me. I almost didn't stop and say hi because I was intimidated by the many other women, but my friend encouraged me to throw my hat in the ring. And, surprisingly, it appeared he was giving me his full attention amidst the chaos. But he said something that threw my friend and I off. When he asked how long I'd been there and I said for the whole show, he said, "Wow, so you just dropped everything and came out, huh?" My friend and I agree that I played it off well, but getting somewhere 20min away NINETY minutes after a text is hardly "dropping everything". So, despite my best attempts, I DID come off as too hot to trot.

3.) Which explains why after he said he'd be on tour and I should hit him up sometime, I decided I would not do that at all. I texted him. I came to the show (apparently "dropping everything" to do so). I talked to him afterwards and mentioned having him work with me on my upcoming recordings. I think it's clear there's interest on my part and that I'm open to communication. Should he remember me amid the many women who approach him, I think he should hit ME up.

It's all part of my new approach with guys: Don't put any more work into men than what they put into you. Hey, sometimes you should put even LESS work into them than they do you. If you want to be courted like a lady by a gentleman, then you can't act like all the rest of the thirsty girls throwing themselves at men and accepting sub-par game just to say you got some attention from a sought-after guy. Remember: you're someone who should be sought after too. Act like it, and pretty soon men will realize too.

The second guy I'm "waiting and seeing" with is my work crush. I mentioned in my last post the scenario of our dance/chat at our friend's birthday party. Despite the fact that it ended rather awkwardly, I still threw up one last Hail Mary by sending him a facebook message thanking him for the dance and the fun time. He responded within the next hour that he did too and we should do it again sometime. But did he set a time or a date for our next meeting? Did he even ask for my number? Did he send another facebook message or facebook chat to keep the communication open the rest of the evening? No, he didn't. So "wait and see" is the name of the game with him as well.

And finally, it's a waiting game with my last fling. The plan was for it to be a fling with him. I met him at a friend's party and, even before the party, I knew I wanted to meet someone that night. Luckily I did and the feeling was mutual and we embarked on a very enjoyable, casual affair. But, there's a reason I hadn't had a fling before now, and it's because I'm a relationship type of girl. That being said, after six weeks of great conversations, great food and great times, I developed feelings for him which I thought were mutual. I was mistaken. I tried to be a big girl and say I'd be fine dialing down the feelings and continuing the affair upon his return from an overseas business trip as if I hadn't said anything. But after a trip to see my family, I realized that would be selling myself short. I'm a pretty awesome chick. I'm an even more awesome girlfriend to whoever has had the pleasure. It doesn't take six weeks to decide whether you like me enough to want to hold hands with me in public. It doesn't even take six weeks to determine whether you want to be exclusive with me. I'm who I am from the beginning until the end and whatever feeling you had about me in week one is the same feeling you'll have in week seventy-one.

So, that being said, when he waited an ENTIRE WEEK after leaving the country to contact me (I guess I'm not that memorable after all) via half-ass facebook note, I was equally half-ass in my reply, I kept my responses vague, and I didn't ask any questions so the note would be fairly close-ended. He hasn't contacted me since, but he did hit up my friend (not HIS friend, MY friend) via facebook chat--a fact I didn't appreciate but also didn't rise to the occasion to dignify with any action from me. I didn't explicitly tell him that I realized that casual thing wasn't my thing and that I no longer wanted to continue unless it was with a gentleman who approached me correctly and was willing to put as much into the relationship (in time, effort, thought and money) as I was, but it'll be clear soon enough, should he ask me or contact me again. We'll wait and see about that, as well.

So, yes, the dating game can be a waiting game, and I totally suck at waiting. But whenever I feel the need to cave and send an ill-advised text, I text a friend instead, call a family member, write a blog, or otherwise keep myself busy. I'm worth chasing, and all these epiphanies I've been having lately are steps in the right direction.