C'est La Vie

So, yesterday I ended it with the personal trainer. It was the most horrible feeling of deja vu to have put too much of myself into a casual relationship, developed feelings, and realized the dude could've cared less about me. It sucked. There's no other way to put it. And the deja vu came in because it was almost verbatim the same conversation I'd had with Trini when we ended it. And we ended it the same way, trying to keep it going with stops and starts until finally it was over. 

And Mr. P.T. was ALMOST as big of an asshole as Trini was too, although as soon as I felt those familiar feelings of rejection, I thought, "Why? This dude wasn't reciprocating your efforts anyway. Why are you crying over some dude that you fell for merely because you like being in a relationship and he allowed you to feel that way, but not enjoy any of its benefits?" So I turned the conversation to him and why he'd throw away such an awesome chick because he made an arbitrary decision some time ago to not be in a relationship. He said he'd been hurt before. I asked how long ago. He said years. YEARS? Really? I was pretty badly hurt when the love of my life (so far) and I decided to end it, but after eight months of partying, drinking, making new friends, graduating college and moving, I realized I was ready to try again. YEARS?

I said, "Dude. It's not like she stabbed you. Or stole your car. Or set your apartment on fire. Or slapped your mom. Sure, what happened sucked, but  billions of people (including myself) go through worse and we get back on that horse. Aren't you 32?"

"33", he said. 

33? 33 and STILL dwelling on some ish that happened YEARS ago, that wasn't even as bad as several people's stories that I know personally?

Wow. I mean, now I'm even less attracted to Mr. P.T., because he's not a hurting dude who's still getting over it. That ends in months, maybe a year tops, maybe a little more than that if you were together for like 10+ years. But YEARS? YEARS of wallowing in strangers' vaginas, not actually healing, not actually confronting anything? You're not getting over her. You're being a dick. And at 33, you should be ashamed.

So, whatever, we finished our conversation, and I felt much better realizing that his "coping mechanism" actually put him in the category of "self-pitying asshole taking his relationship misfortunes out on unsuspecting idealists/romantics", and which is in the bigger category of "guys I have ZERO INTEREST in dating." It was a relief. We talked. Like friends. He said we could stay friends. I said I didn't expect to hear from him until the Spring when I'd need training. He said, "no no no, it's not like that", and texted me today to prove a point.

Whatever. I got a new loctician and a personal trainer out of it. And by the time him or any of the other idiots that passed me up because they "weren't ready" realize they should've kept me, I'll either be happily single or happily coupled up.

Hmmm. Happily single. Lets explore that concept.

P.S. The musician that I had a really nice date with last weekend TOTALLY disappointed me this weekend. We'd had a casual thing whenever he was home from tour, but this time, when he got back, it was to a K that was looking for a relationship, and not into getting that feeling of deja vu rejection ever again. He manned up, and took me out, and respected the No Sex rule. But he never followed it up with any cute texts or phone calls, when I called him on it, he called me to say he DID have a great time and had just been super busy and sick, and did indeed want to take me out again. But then he SLEPT through the whole weekend, and made it perfectly clear that, even though he was going to take me out and date me, he was never available and may not have wanted anything from the date but the opportunity to hopefully have sex again. Oh well. He'll realize THAT'S not happening soon enough. ;)

P.P.S. Match.com, which I joined to keep my mother from thinking I was turning into a bitter old hag (which isn't true; I'm a bitter young lady), is full of scammers and crazy people. In other words, it's just like real life, which is the opposite of refreshing. Whatever. All these dudes are giving me a headache. They're good for nothing but talking dirty to when I have a free moment and, at most, making out. If they want to take me out, good for them. I'll give anyone I'm attracted to a shot. But if you don't come correct, I'll tune you out. It's time to get vicious here. I deserve better. What a novel idea that I actually REALIZE that now.